Change of Perspective
by cutegoddess007
Summary: The events of 9X24 in Jackson Avery's perspective. Jackson Avery's best friend, April Kepner, has just gotten engaged. He should be happy for her right? Then why does his heart hurt, and his insides twist at the thought of them together. What are Jackson's thoughts on his best friend's engagement?


Hello everyone,

So this is my first story ever for Grey's. I absolutely love JAPRIL, and I really wanted to write something for them, after watching the finale. If more inspiration hits, I definitely want to write more.

Well I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! As always, thank you for reading!

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. All characters belong to Shonda Rhimes.

**CHANGE OF PERSPECTIVE**

_The overwhelming cheering surrounded them, almost drowning out four very important words. _

_He knelt down on one knee and asked, " April Kepner, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life trying to make you as happy as you make me…if you let me. Will you marry me?" _

_The surprise and delight emancipated from her face as she gasped, " Yes! YES!" _

Jackson Avery woke with a start, gasping for air.

He clutched at the bed sheets as he peered into his dark, silent bedroom.

'A dream…it was just a dream…'

As his breathing slowed down, Jackson rubbed his eyes, trying to erase the image of Matthew down on one knee, proposing to spend the rest of his life with her. With April.

It was all so stupid. So damn stupid. That paramedic had known her for what…a few months? Who proposes to someone after a few months? He clearly had some sort of mental imbalance.

Jackson had pasted a smile on his face through the ordeal, because really, what else was he to do? April, despite recent events, was his best friend. And he wanted the best for her. She deserved all the happiness and joy in the world. And she had looked happy, very happy when Matthew had proposed. So he should be happy for her.

It didn't matter that his heart felt like it would break into a thousand pieces, or that he felt uneasy looking at the two of them together. He should be happy that she had found her mirror opposite.

Right?

Jackson turned and looked at the alarm clock on his side table.

2:40 A.M.

'Oh hell, he really didn't have time for this right now,' he thought as he clutched his head, in an attempt to gain control of his wandering thoughts.

A storm was coming, and he needed to be down at the hospital before dawn to help.

'I need to get some rest so that I can be of some use tomorrow. The ER will be packed with people needing help. And what good will I be if I'm tired and irritated on an already hectic day?' thought Jackson as he lay back down onto his bed.

He resolved to put this whole ordeal out of his mind. Just to forget about everything tomorrow and focus on something he was good at. Being a surgeon.

He would avoid them tomorrow. Both of them. Just try to stay as far away as possible.

_Except, _he had tried that today. After that horrendous event had occurred, he had tried to keep himself busy. To keep his mind occupied. He had even taken over the Surgery Board duty.

But somehow, Matthew had managed to find him.

Why was he always hanging around the hospital anyways? He was a paramedic for god's sake, shouldn't he always be in his little ambulance and not at the hospital?

Okay, so he was getting carried away. But remembering the scene was pissing him off once again.

He could distinctly remember Matthew's exact words.

"This was kind of my only shot at this. Didn't wanna miss it…"

No, he didn't miss his chance. His damn timing was impeccable. But he was the wrong guy.

It should have been him.

Jackson knew how important the OR was for April. He knew she needed to practice for her boards. He would never have made her feel inadequate by having Hunt keep her out of surgeries.

But, as he had already decided, he should be happy for her. She was finally getting her happy ever after.

Looking at the clock again, he noticed the time was now 3:20 A.M.

'_Shut up Jackson_,' he said internally pulling the pillow over his head because he really needed to get some sleep in before tomorrow.

His problems would still be there after the big storm.

The day had gone by pretty smoothly so far. I mean sure he had run into the paramedic a few times, but they hadn't spoken, which was good. He wasn't sure he could speak to him, without using his fists.

And that would not go over well, considering he partially owned the hospital now.

Well, the day had gone by smoothly. That is, until a church bus had flipped over and lit on fire, right in front of the hospital.

And now they were trying to evacuate everyone before the bus blew. They had successfully gotten everyone out, other than this one lady in front of him.

But they had this under control. He and Hunt supported the lady, and helped her out of the burning bus.

Putting her on the stretcher, they had thought they had averted a big disaster.

But just as they were about to take off for the hospital, something caught his eye. A pink shoe lay near the end of the bus.

"_She's wearing pink hightops…I call her Evie…_"

And that's when he knew. He knew that not everyone was inside the hospital safely.

He knew that little Evie was still near the burning bus.

Within a second, he found himself lying on the wet ground, looking under the tangled bus. And sure enough, there was little Evie. She looked terrified, but thankfully he couldn't see any signs of serious injury.

But he needed to get her out safely.

"Hey, your name is Evie right? I like your shoes Evie, those are really cool. I bet you can run pretty fast in those, huh? Hey, you wanna race? I bet I could beat you. Come on, just grab my hand, we could go right now. Come on, here, take my hand. "

Nothing. All he got was once glance. She obviously didn't trust him.

Well obviously. She was scared and wanted her mother.

Jackson looked around and saw that the bus was nearly engulfed in flames.

He could hear distinct screaming in the background.

"JACKSON!"

He needed to get her out. _Now_.

"Hey, I have an idea. Why don't we go find your mommy huh? Yeah, come on. I know where she is. We'll go find her right now. _Come on_, Evie," he pleaded as he reached his hand out further towards her.

She looked at him this time. She seemed to finally be listening to him.

The heat was getting unbearable. We need to go _now_. This bus is going to blow _any_ minute now.

"Yeah, she's right outside. She's waiting for you Evie. Come on, let's go to Mommy."

As he was finishing his sentence, Evie reached out and grabbed his outstretched hand.

Thank god.

He pulled her out to safety, and as he cradled her in his arms, he ran. He ran like hell, away from the burning bus.

And as soon as he was a few meters away from the bus, it exploded with a deafening boom, sending debris flying everywhere.

He hit the ground, keeping his head down, while shielding Evie under him.

They say your life flashes before your eyes when you face a near-death experience.

But all he saw was April.

He saw himself proposing to her, promising a wedding in a field with butterflies and whatever else she wanted. He saw her beautiful smile, he saw her eyes light up, the way they did when she got really excited.

And before he knew it, it was over and he was brought back to reality. He was alive.

He heard crying from beneath him, and he moved to examine Evie. As he looked her over, he saw that she was fine. She was obviously shaken up, but was not injured.

He got up off the ground and picked up Evie, "Come on, let's take you to your Mommy."

He walked in the direction of the hospital. He heard screaming and wailing, but there was a haze surrounding him. He supposed he was in somewhat of a shock as well. His arm hurt like hell, but it was nothing serious. Nothing compared to what could have happened. It was something Torres could fix in her sleep.

As he walked, he could see April. The paramedic was with her. She looked shook up, but he seemed to be comforting her.

She was doing fine without him.

So he moved towards Evie's mother, depositing the crying child in her arms.

"Thank you! Thank you so much."

He smiled nonchalantly, but the pain was getting to him now.

He was ushered inside, where he was both berated for being stupid and complimented for being a hero.

He couldn't feel anything. It's as if he was experiencing everything from a distance.

Callie was bandaging his arm. Apparently he had seriously sprained it.

And that's when he was given a hard shove back.

"Oww!" he cried indignantly. The searing pain spread from his arm to his shoulder.

He looked up to find Torres straining April, who looking for another chance to take a swing at him.

"April...what, _no_!" was all he could get out in his confusion.

"I HATE YOU! YOU COULD HAVE DIED!" she cried, tears brimming in her eyes.

"Kepner stop! What is your problem?" Callie cried.

April had stopped struggling with Callie. But it didn't look like Callie would take the chance.

"Hey Kepner, take a walk! Take a walk!" she ordered.

April looked torn between listening to her superior and doing what she wanted to do. But in the end, she took off in a panicked run.

'_What the-_'

What was wrong with her?

Was she worried about him? He had thought that she was coping with Matthew. But she had seemed quite distressed.

Maybe she was worried about him…

But she was getting married. To that paramedic.

That was one thing that was eating at his insides since yesterday. She had agreed to it. She had agreed to marry him. I mean Matthew could be as delusional as he wanted, he could pull out as many elaborate proposal schemes as he wanted. But she had said yes. She had agreed to marry another man.

And that had cut him deeply.

And that was all he could think about now. As Callie finished him up, and as he was moved into solitude to rest and recuperate, that thought plagued his mind.

April believed she could be happy with someone else for the rest of her life. She must believe that…she had agreed to his proposal after all.

Despite his best attempts, he could picture it in his head. Them living in a perfect house, with a white picket fence and a big yard. They would come to work together, in the same car, would eat together…they would spend every living moment together.

And eventually they'd have kids…maybe a little girl with April's big, soft eyes and gorgeous, beautiful hair…

She had agreed to marry him dammit!

Jackson realized he had balled his hands into fists as his nails were digging into his palm.

What was wrong with him? He needed to calm down.

He heard rustling behind the curtains that surrounded his bed.

_No,_ he was pissed off and the pain was still getting to him. He was irritable and he did not want to deal with company right now.

'Just go away,' he willed silently.

He saw April walk through the curtains. She had a shell-shocked look on her face. This look meant she was worried about something, usually something to do with that paramedic. Or she was going to blame him for something. And dammit he was not in the mood to discuss either.

"_Don't_" started Jackson as he watched April turn around to close the curtains.

"Whatever it is that's bugging you, just keep it to yourself alright," came out his irritated voice.

She made no movement to leave. She just stood there in a frozen state, eyes fixated onto the floor, as if she was fighting some internal battle with herself.

He was starting to get annoyed. He did not want to deal with this right now.

Then April looked up and said, "I want you."

_Huh?_

She seemed almost hysterical, but continued on. "I want _you_!"

What was she going on about? She had just agreed to be another man's wife. She was probably letting her emotions get to her.

"April-"

"I haven't been fair to you, I know, and I- I've really hurt you-"

"And you're getting married," he interjected.

"When that bus exploded, and I thought you were g-gone, I-"

She was choked up. He could clearly see the worry in her face, and there was something else there. Something he was afraid to see…was it love? But what about yesterday?

She had agreed. _She had said yes_.

"You're getting married…" he reasoned.

She looked up at him with her big eyes and uttered, "Unless you can give me a reason not to."

He was stunned into silence.

_What?_ Did she actually…did she care for him? More than friends?

Of course he could give her a reason not to. He could give her a thousand...no…a million reasons not to!

But the question was, should he? She had seemed perfectly happy yesterday, accepting Matthew's proposal. She could have everything she ever wanted with Matthew. A perfect relationship. Like she wanted.

He was nowhere near perfect. So should he mess this up for her?

There were too many thoughts running around in his head. He took a deep, steadying breath.

'Okay Jackson, the fact is that yesterday, when she was perfectly calm and able to think coherently, she accepted Matthew's proposal. But today…after the bus explosion and the best friend nearly dying…she was shocked and emotionally unstable.'

And what if she had a change of heart once she calmed down? He didn't think he could bear to go through that again. He didn't want to be blamed for something else. He felt a painful pull at his heart.

That led him to only one conclusion. That she was doing this because she was emotionally overcome with the fear of losing her best friend.

Right? That had to be it.

But as he opened his mouth to reply, no words came out. A thought had rendered him silent.

_What if there was more? _

What if she was thinking coherently? What if she really had chosen him? What if yesterday had been a mistake?

And what if she really did love him as much as he loved her?

Jackson closed his mouth and sat there staring at April, his mind and heart battling between logic and instinct.

He knew logically that April was probably emotionally worked up and that he should disregard all of what had just happened, but he couldn't help wondering…

_What if? _

Thank you for reading! Please leave a review, I love getting feedback!


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